The Maternity Trepidation
by bigbangenthusiast
Summary: Amy is pregnant and reflects on the baby she lost one year earlier.


**I wrote this story based on a prompt I received** **on Tumblr. Since it's longer and not one of the quote prompts, I decided to make it its own story rather than include it in The Shamy Prompts Collection. It's angsty, but I hope you enjoy!**

 _Requested by Anon: "Hi! I know it is sad... but with a happy end could be somehow sweet. Amy is pregnant but she remembers that a year ago she lose their baby. Thanks if you write it!"_

* * *

Sheldon and Amy anxiously watched the image on the monitor, as the ultrasound technician moved the wand over Amy's belly.

"Congratulations, you two!" She exclaimed.

"We're really pregnant?" Amy asked in a shaky voice.

"Yes, it's official. Those home pregnancy tests are quite accurate, but it's always good to get confirmation."

Sheldon squinted at the screen. Amy knew he was too proud to admit he couldn't tell where their baby was, so she silently asked the tech to point it out by subtly motioning her head at the image.

"This little one," she began by tapping at the screen with a pen, "is only as long as a grain of rice. At this time, the organs are still forming..."

"I have read up on the fetal development timeline, so I am well aware," Sheldon huffed.

"Sheldon," Amy warned.

The tech waved her hand dismissively. "It's alright." She tapped a few keys to update Amy's information then turned back to the couple.

"As long as you're feeling well, we'll see you back in three months to ensure normal development and to determine the sex."

"We want to be surprised," Amy told her.

Sheldon nodded in agreement. "Boy or girl, it doesn't matter. Just as long as he or she is healthy and intelligent."

Amy rolled her eyes. "We will love our child no matter what."

The tech removed her gloves, snapped the cap on the gel, and set the wand in its holder on the ultrasound machine. "Do you have any questions?"

The couple looked at each other. "I don't have any questions," Amy replied. "Sheldon?"

"I don't believe so."

"If you think of anything, don't hesitate to call the office or leave a message on the online portal." She handed Amy a few paper towels to wipe off the excess gel. "I'll let you get dressed. Please take all the time you need. When you're ready, there's a bin to place your gown on the way out. Just follow the signs back to the waiting room." The tech shook their hands. "Congratulations again."

The moment the door clicked shut, Sheldon took the paper towels from his wife's hand and methodically removed all traces of the gel from her belly. "I saw the cutest onsie..."

But Amy wasn't listening. She stared at the top of the screen where her information glowed against the black background: G2 P0 - gravida 2, para 0, or in layman's terms two pregnancies, zero live births. She swallowed hard as memories from one year earlier rushed back to her. A tear trickled down her cheek.

"Amy, are you okay? Is it your morning sickness?"

"No, I was just thinking about... last time. Remember how excited we were until..." She took a deep breath. "I... I can't go through that again." She hung her head as her tears flowed freely.

Sheldon set the paper towel on the bed and gripped her hand tightly. "We can't think about that. It will be different this time."

"Will it? How do we know it won't happen again? Maybe my body will reject this baby too," she sobbed.

He helped her into a seated position and climbed onto the bed next to her. She clung to him, her tears soaking his shirt while he rubbed her back soothingly. "It was an extremely unfortunate situation."

"I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry about. I don't blame you. You did nothing wrong. It just wasn't a viable fetus." He choked on the last word.

"Fetus," she snorted. "That makes it sound so cold and clinical. That was our child!"

"Amy, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that. It's hard for me too," he confessed softly. "I've tried not to think about it, but not a day goes by that I don't mourn what should have been."

"I'm so scared. I want to be excited for this baby, but I can't let myself feel that until we know everything will be okay." She rested her hand on her flat belly. "If this little one can make it another two months, we should be in the clear."

"Let's keep the news to ourselves until then, maybe even until after your next ultrasound."

"Yes. It will be a little easier if we don't disappoint our friends and families." She sniffled and dried her eyes on his sleeve.

xxx

Seventy-one days into her first pregnancy was a day Amy never wanted to repeat. She breathed a sigh of relief when that milestone passed with the second one, but she couldn't let herself get excited yet.

Sheldon was even more attentive this time, making sure she was getting the right amount and right types of food and exercise. He held her hair as she vomited, even though it made him queasy. He didn't pressure her to watch superhero movies, opting for cuddling with her on the couch to watch her favorite shows.

He was careful not to compare the pregnancies aloud, but she could see the calculations in his eyes. They avoided the subject until one fateful night. Amy awoke to find his hand on her belly with tears in his eyes, praying to a deity he didn't believe in to allow this baby to make it to term. He looked up to find her staring at him. Instead of denying his actions, he sat up and wrapped his arms around her as strangled sobs wracked his body. She smoothed back his hair as her own tears fell.

The couple was quiet on the drive to the clinic for the second ultrasound. At four months pregnant, Amy was barely showing. Her bulky sweaters easily hid the evidence. She tried not to stare at the other mothers-to-be in the waiting room, some in their third trimester. Unlike some women who complained of getting fat, she longed to resemble these women. She rested one hand on her small bump, as she gripped her husband's hand with the other while they waited their turn.

"Dr. Fowler-Cooper, we're ready for you," the rooming assistant called out.

Amy's legs felt like rubber. She clung to Sheldon for support as they were led down a familiar hall. The assistant flicked on the light switch, presented her with a gown, and informed them the tech would be in shortly.

Amy slipped into the gown, but instead of making herself comfortable on the bed, she paced the small room. "What's taking so long?" She grumbled as five minutes became ten.

"I'm anxious too. Perhaps we can play a game to create the illusion of time passing more quickly."

"My mind isn't focused for games right now. I just need to know that everything is okay."

He watched helplessly from the couch as she continued to pace.

Five minutes later a knock sounded on the door, and the tech from the initial ultrasound three months earlier poked her head inside. "I'm terribly sorry for the wait. Let's get you up on the bed and get started."

With Sheldon's help, Amy climbed up and lay back as the tech turned on the machine and prepared for the procedure. The couple gripped each other's hands tightly as the wand circled the bump. They startled when a 'whoosh whoosh' reverberated through the tiny room.

"That's your baby's heartbeat," the tech clarified. "It's really strong - an excellent sign that he or she is progressing nicely."

All the tension that had built up dissipated in that moment. For the first time since learning of her pregnancy, Amy felt at peace. She squeezed her husband's hand, as tears of happiness and relief clouded her vision. "That's the most beautiful sound I've ever heard."

Sheldon leaned over and kissed her forehead. "It definitely is."


End file.
